Loss
by Seblainer
Summary: What if Sam died when Castiel broke the wall in his head? 7x01 with a twist. Warning: No couple.


Fandom: Supernatural  
Title: Loss  
Characters: Dean, slight Sam, Missouri, Bobby, and slight Castiel  
Pairing: N/A  
Rating/Warnings: AU, Major Character Death, and Strong Language.  
Summary: What if Sam died when Castiel broke the wall in his head? 7x01 with a twist.  
Author's Note: Many thanks to Judy for betaing and to those who read and review. Also, Bobby's house isn't totally ruined. In this story, the only reason they went to Rufus's house was to hide from Castiel for a while.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or claim to and I make no money for writing this story.  
Words: 2,438 words without title and ending.

*Loss*

The sight of Sam swaying on his feet, followed by blood rushing from his nose and then him falling to his hands and knees on the ground, was terrifying. The thing that was even more terrifying was Sam falling on his back from a literal killer headache seconds later and not moving. It would stay with Dean and Bobby for the rest of their lives.

It was the last thing that Sam would ever do because Castiel had broken the wall in his head. It didn't take a doctor to know that Sam was dead. All it took was a simple look at Sam's bloody body, his nose bleeding even though he wasn't moving or breathing anymore and Dean knew he had lost his brother for good.

Even though Dean knew that Sam was dead, it didn't stop him from falling to his own knees beside his brother and checking to see if by some miracle Sam had a pulse and was still alive.

It was an automatic reaction. Check on Sammy, see if he's okay and if he's not, patch him up. The fact that he couldn't help his brother, that there was no way to patch Sam up this time, opened a hole in Dean's chest that he knew would never go away.

After a moment, Dean slowly got to his feet once more. He ignored Bobby who was telling him to get back on his knees and do as Castiel had said and bow to him. Dean wasn't going to do that. Fuck no, no way, no how. He wasn't going to follow anybody's orders anymore, no matter who gave them.

Castiel had acted like a fucking child who thought that he knew better than everyone else did, and had gotten all of them into a huge mess and had killed Sam in the process.

Now the dumbass wanted to show off the power he had since he had swallowed the souls from Purgatory. Dean looked up at Castiel and the anger in his eyes and on his face, was nothing compared to the anger in his voice, which actually made the angel turned God take a step back.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll get the fuck out of here and you better hope that I never see you again. I used to trust you and think of you as a friend because you got both Sam and me out of Hell, but not anymore. You killed my brother, you fucking bastard and God or no God, you better hide somewhere I can't find you! I'm gonna find a way to kill you!"

Even though Dean was actually terrified of the fact that Castiel was now God, his terror barely compared to his hurt and anger at how Castiel had betrayed both him and Sam in the worst of ways.

Sam should have been the _last_ one to die, not the first. He was the one who believed in God and angels and all that religious crap and look what it had gotten him. It had gotten him killed and by someone who had been an angel and was supposed to have been a friend.

Fat lot of good his believing in God had done, poor misguided kid. Dean glanced over at Bobby who had finally fallen silent and the sadness in the older man's eyes matched his own.

The three of them had been a family, Bobby like their father, Sam and Dean like his sons since their own father had died, and now the bond was broken forever. Dean couldn't imagine ever having the strength or courage to face Bobby again after this was over, since Sam was gone.

When Dean turned his attention back to the situation before him, Castiel was speaking. "Be thankful for my mercy. I could have not only killed your brother, but you and Bobby as well, so you should be grateful that I still find the two of you amusing as pets."

The flap of Castiel's trench coat signaled that he had left. Dean ignored the sound of his former friend leaving and turned his attention away from Bobby and onto Sam's broken body.

Seeing his brother die for the third time in front of him had been the worst thing in the world at the time to Dean, but now this was a thousand, no, a million times worse.

Sam's body lay on the floor next to him and Dean couldn't move any longer because he was so furious and sad. He heard Bobby moving toward him and when the older man tried to pull him away from Sam's body, he resisted.

Dean couldn't let go of Sam, not yet. The fact that he had lost his brother, for real and forever this time, made him want to break down or just give up living himself.

He knew that he was never going to recover from the loss of his brother. Having to watch as Sam died and knowing that he could do nothing to help was ripping him apart inside.

Dean kept his back to Bobby and tried to hide his pain when he said gruffly, "Get out of here, Bobby. I'll take care of Sam. You just go home and let me deal with this on my own."

Bobby tried again to pull Dean away from Sam, but Dean pulled away from the touch. "I said get out of here! Sam is _my_ family Bobby, not yours so get the fuck out of here!"

Bobby let Dean's comments slide only because he knew the young man was in terrible pain. "Boy, I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say we're not family. Don't let it happen again or I'll knock you upside your fool head, ya idjit. Family don't begin and end with blood and you know that, boy, so stop being an ass and let's get Sam back to my place and take care of his body in the proper way for a Hunter."

Dean paused for a moment, and then he turned and looked at Bobby and nodded. A few minutes later, Bobby pulled out his cell phone and called Missouri who lived in a town nearby and asked her to give them a ride back to his house.

After he got the okay, Bobby hung up and turned back to Dean who was simply staring at Sam with a broken expression. "Missouri is an hour out, but she said she could be here in half the time because she knows about Sam."

Dean just nodded, barely acknowledging Bobby's words. It felt like his grief was crushing his chest and even though he would never admit it, tears were constantly threatening to fall from his eyes but he forced them back, not wanting to lose it completely in front of Bobby.

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Thirty minutes later Missouri entered the warehouse where Dean and Bobby stood beside Sam's body. She took one look at Dean and then rushed toward the young man and hugged him tightly.

Dean resisted at first, but after a few moments, Missouri knew that he was too tired and sad to protest anymore. She could feel his pain pouring off him in waves and she wanted nothing more than to help him but didn't know how.

After a few moments, Missouri released Dean and turned watery eyes and a sad smile onto Bobby. Missouri walked over to Bobby and hugged him as well and even though he let her, she knew that he was still holding back his feelings. Bobby and Dean were alike in that way.

When the hug ended, Missouri stepped away from Bobby and turned to Sam's body. Tears again filled her eyes and she knelt down beside Sam's body and took one of his hands into hers.

"You poor boy, I'm sorry you can't be here with us anymore, but you're going to be okay. Your brother and Bobby are going to be okay too. You'll see, Sam. Everything is going to be okay in time."

After she spoke, Missouri got to her feet again and wiped her eyes before she turned back to Bobby and Dean. She looked at Dean and said, "Go outside and get some air, boy. Bobby and I will take care of getting Sam ready to go."

Dean looked like he wanted to argue but decided not to because he was either too tired or too sad to do so, he didn't know which. He simply walked out the door with a last glance at Sam's body and then left the building.

Missouri turned back to Bobby and said softly, "This is hard for Dean, so you'll need to be a little gentler with him for a while. His whole family's dead and he just watched his little brother die. He's gonna need you to look out for him and let him know that you're still here and that you still care."

Bobby nodded and then he motioned to Sam's body. With a sharp nod, Missouri and Bobby quickly and gently lifted Sam's body and brought it to her car.

Bobby's house was an hour out but as she had done to get to the warehouse, she was going to speed to get them Bobby's house. They couldn't have Sam's body out in the open because it was dangerous and they needed to be able to burn his body quickly.

As they set Sam's body in the back seat, Missouri was reluctant to call Dean back to the car where he would have to ride in close quarters with his brother's body for a thirty-minute drive. She didn't want to cause Dean and Bobby more pain, but this was the only thing she could think to do, so it had to be done. Moments later, Missouri sighed and called for Dean and before long they were back on their way to Bobby's house.

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When they pulled up at Bobby's house, Missouri watched as both Dean and Bobby gently but reluctantly moved Sam's body from the car to the back yard. She watched as the men set Sam's body down on a worktable and then went to work digging a grave for Sam. Missouri glanced once more at Sam's body, unable to believe that the sweet young man she had come to care for was dead.

Before long, the grave was ready for use. Dean and Bobby picked up Sam's body once more and laid it in the grave. Missouri walked over to stand beside Dean and Bobby, and rested what she hoped was a comforting hand on both men's shoulders.

As Dean took his lighter from his pocket, he flicked it open, lighting it and dropped it onto Sam's body, Missouri saw several tears fall from both men's eyes but she didn't comment. There would be time for words later, but for now, this was a time to grieve for a lost family member. So, Missouri decided that she wasn't going to do or say anything that might upset either man and set them off.

As the three of them watched Sam's body burn for a few hours, silence remained and for once, nobody felt the need to break it. The fire raged on, time slowly passed, and when it became night, Missouri decided that it was time to get going.

She knew that Dean and Bobby would want to grieve on their own. After a few moments, Missouri hugged both men and said goodbye to them. Before she left, she walked over to Sam's grave that was about to be filled and after a silent prayer for Sam, Dean and Bobby, she sighed softly in sadness and then headed out into the night.

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The grave was full and everything was done, but Dean couldn't bring himself to walk away from the grave just yet. Night had fallen hours ago and darkness surrounded him but he still didn't want to leave.

Leaving would mean that it was real, that he had failed to protect Sam and Dean couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle the fact that Sam was never going to live to be thirty or live to find a woman and have a family and it wasn't fair because if anyone deserved those things, it was Sam.

Dean pulled himself from his thoughts and looked up to see Bobby slowly heading back inside the house. He knew that the older man wanted to be alone to be able to grieve for Sam and he respected that.

So Dean turned back to the grave and after a few soft words, he forced himself to turn and go back inside too. As he headed upstairs to the room that he and Sam usually shared, he stopped cold.

Sam's belongings were still laying spread out around the room, and after a moment of indecision of whether or not he could enter the room and not break down, Dean closed the door and took a seat on the bed his brother used to sleep in.

As he stared down at Sam's belongings on the bed, Dean gripped the necklace around his neck and squeezed it tightly enough to hurt his hand, feeling close to his brother in that moment.

It wasn't enough and it never would be, but for now it would have to do until he could force himself to function like a normal person again, this time without Sam by his side.

After a moment, thoughts of having to deal with Castiel flooded his mind. While Dean knew that they would have to deal with Castiel eventually, now wasn't the time for that.

He and Bobby would track down the angel turned God and Dean would kill him if it was the last thing he ever did. For now though, Dean would go through all of Sam's belongings and think about the memories he had of his brother.

Even though thinking about Sam hurt, Dean wasn't going to let the pain stop him from remembering his brother. They shared years of memories between them and though Sam was gone, Dean wouldn't let himself forget a single moment of Sam's life.

The last thought Dean had, was that he was going to kill Castiel if for no other reason, than to avenge Sam's death. Moments later, he picked up Sam's belongings and set them on the table that sat in the middle of the two twin beds.

He got comfortable in what had been Sam's bed and after saying a soft and sad goodnight to Sam, Dean closed his eyes and let the world fall away to nothingness as he fell asleep.

The end.


End file.
